What I Actually Tell My Friends Before They Have a Baby
- Wolf Homestead
- Aug 20
- 5 min read
Whenever one of my friends is getting ready to have a baby, I somehow end up sending her approximately 900 messages and links to the items I'm telling her about. One thought reminds me of another, and before I know it I have basically written her a newborn survival manual in Facebook Messenger.
So I decided to put it all in one place. This is not me telling you there is one right way to have a baby. Every mom is different, every baby is different, and I am simply sharing what worked for me, what I would do again, and what I tell the people I love when they ask me what I really think.
Do Not Buy a Year's Worth of One Diaper
Pampers were my favorite when my daughter was little, and then I switched to Huggies around size 6. That does not mean your baby will like the same thing. Babies are shaped differently and a diaper that fits one baby perfectly can leak on another. I would buy enough to get started, then see what actually fits your baby before filling a closet with one brand.
If You Want to Breastfeed, Give Both of You Time
Breastfeeding did not feel like some magical skill that both of us automatically knew how to do. We had to learn each other. I used a nipple shield for a while, and eventually breastfeeding became one of my absolute favorite things I ever did. If your baby does not latch perfectly right away, get help from a lactation professional or your baby's medical team and give yourself time to learn.
And nursing pads: buy them. Personally, I would not waste my time or money on washable reusable ones again. Mine did not work for me. I leaked through them at the worst possible times, then had a wet bra, a wet shirt, sometimes wet pajamas or sheets, and now more laundry too. Disposable nursing pads were much easier for me. Use one, change it, throw it away, and move on with your life.
The Nursing Bras I Actually Liked
The stretchy sports-bra-style nursing bras with the crossover front were my favorites. You move one side over, feed the baby, and put it back. The clip-down ones were okay, but when I was half asleep in the middle of the night I wanted as few steps as humanly possible.
Having Her Right Beside My Bed Was Wonderful for Us
What I called co-sleeping worked beautifully for us, but I want to be clear about what I mean: my daughter had her own separate sleep space right beside my bed. I could roll over, reach her, feed her, comfort her and get both of us settled again quickly. She seemed to sleep so well being close to me, and I loved having her close too.
Baby sleep safety is one place where I would always check current guidance instead of relying on anybody's old advice, including mine. Current American Academy of Pediatrics guidance recommends baby sleep on their back on a firm, flat, separate sleep surface, with room-sharing rather than bed-sharing for at least the first six months. Whatever bedside setup you choose should meet current safety standards.
Velcro Swaddles Were a Must-Have for Me
Those Velcro swaddles made it so much easier to get my baby snug without trying to perform blanket origami at three in the morning. Babies do eventually reach a point where swaddling needs to stop, so this is another thing to follow current safe-sleep guidance on rather than just doing what somebody did years ago.
Why I Preferred the Kitchen Sink for Bath Time
Baby bathtubs scared me. My daughter would slide around enough that I felt like I spent the entire bath holding her up with one hand while trying to wash her with the other. The kitchen sink was much closer to her size. Add one of those soft flower-style bath cushions and she stayed supported instead of sliding everywhere. It freed me up from using one whole arm just to fight the baby tub, although I still kept a hand on her and stayed right there the entire time. Babies and water are not something to multitask around.
A Backpack Diaper Bag Just Makes Sense
You are already carrying a baby and about a thousand things. Put the diaper bag on your back and keep your hands free. A regular shoulder bag swinging around while you are trying to juggle a baby, car seat and everything else is not the kind of challenge I need in my life.
A Few Things I Would Not Get Carried Away Buying
I would skip a wipe warmer, the diaper genie, I would not buy piles of one pacifier before you know what your baby likes, and I would not spend much on tiny baby bath towels.(The towels you use are much better) They are cute, but a normal soft towel works. I also loved sleeper gowns for nighttime because pulling the bottom up for a diaper change was a whole lot nicer than dealing with a row of tiny buttons while barely awake. trying to see in the dark like perfectly like an owl or fox.
The Biggest Advice Has Nothing to Do With Stuff
You might cry over absolutely nothing. You might stare at the baby to make sure they are breathing. Your partner may somehow chew too loudly and make you furious. You are both learning a completely new version of life while exhausted. Ask for help. That first year can be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life. Tell your partner what you need. Give each other grace. And do not let another person make you feel like you are failing because your baby, feeding choices or routine look different from theirs.
This is exactly what I tell my friends: ask me anything. Nothing is too weird and there is no rule saying you should magically know everything because you had a baby. I will tell you what worked for me, what did not, what I think was a complete waste of money and when I think you need somebody who knows more than I do. That is what mama friends are for. You 100% got this! You will be the best mama you can possibly be!
My Baby Favorites
These are two of the baby-product collages I put together from things I genuinely recommend. Tap either one to see the products on my Amazon storefront.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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